I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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