so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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