The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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