Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
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He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
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I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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