Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
