You made me cry and you don't even care
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
