DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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