I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
