Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
