The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize