White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.