covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing