Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
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I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
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Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.