turn off your phone and go to bed
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
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im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
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Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?