Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.