I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
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By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat