...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
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HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
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Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out