My room smells like vodka and shame
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
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Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
