I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
