Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
