Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
