Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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