Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
