You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
