I CAN MOONWALK!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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