Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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