I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
