totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
