Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
