my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
