the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
