i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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