Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
