So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
No subtext here. People are naked.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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