Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
