My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
