I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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