How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
