I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He shit in the fireplace
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
