Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
