Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
