i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
