Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So much rum. So many feels.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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