Are we in a gay sports bar?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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