If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
