I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
