His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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