On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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