In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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