Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
