based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
