Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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