Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
40s are totally the cure
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
