I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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