Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
