I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
