My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
