Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
