Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
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new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
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I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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