After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
