I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
