Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
accomplished twins. life is a go
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
