how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
