Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
