is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
