so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
