I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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