For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
