I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
